I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I deserve this hangover.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
