How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
