We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
