Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
