eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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