I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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