Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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