i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
