the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
