You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
