ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize