How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
