I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
