Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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