why didn't you poke me back
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
