mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
