i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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