my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
