my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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