Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
