I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
