Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
