i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
