This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
