my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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