I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize