At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
