who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize