U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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