One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
