can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
