why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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