Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
