im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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