went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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