literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
