So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
