You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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