Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
