I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
