Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
