why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
