I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
