if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
