Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
