his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
