If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
