I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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