I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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