Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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