if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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