omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
