Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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