i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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