umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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