i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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