Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
