Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
