guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
