We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
