your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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