just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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